The role of resetting, rebuilding, and finding new purpose in a scholarly life. – Psychology Today

There’s been a fundamental shift in how we define adulthood—and at what pace it occurs. PT’s authors consider how a once iron-clad construct is now up for grabs—and what it means for young people’s mental health today.
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Posted February 3, 2025 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
After reading excerpts in several publications, I immediately ordered the book, The Bright Side: Why Optimists Have the Power to Change the World by Sumit Paul-Choudhury (2025). He expressed how he became an optimist after the death of his wife. He writes in The Guardian (2025), “We can’t make a perfect world. But we owe it to ourselves, to those around us, to those we have lost and those who have yet to come, to make the best of it that we can. The best of all possible worlds.” Optimism, resetting, rebuilding, and searching for purpose. These are important components of being a nimble, responsive, and relevant scholar. These are also important characteristics of living a sustainable and good academic life.
Over nine years ago, my wife and partner of 33 years, Joyce, was diagnosed with cancer. She went through surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and a host of other medications and therapies. The journey was uneven. There were times of great relief and wonderful normalcy. There were days of humour, closeness, joy, and affection. Mostly, we held hands through it all. I was her primary caregiver. As our children grew into adulthood, they became amazing caregivers to Joyce and to me. Joyce died this September 10th. And this stage of our journey ended.
Most of the aftermath of loss is what we all know or suspect. Intense grief, emptiness, and darkness. Yet, people search for positives. A few folks asked if I felt relief after being present for her suffering for so very long. No. No feelings of relief. Only loss and sadness. And maybe fear.
There is fear. Our partnership meant that every decision was made as a team. Joyce had a fierce intellect and nearly all decisions, big and small, were made together. This included academic decisions, even though she was not an academic. Should I sign this book contract, present at that conference, accept this student, or write that grant? I relied on her council. And now all decisions are made alone. I also realize that my primary criterion for decisions was whether I would make her proud.
Modern academic life can be encompassing and overwhelming. Constantly producing research products, grants, presentations, teaching, influencing the field, and evolving and growing intellectually demands a full and dedicated effort. The boundaries between work and life are blurry at best. Many of my colleagues find it overwhelming. I never did. I had a more important purpose as spouse, parent, and caregiver. Sometimes work did not get done. I was often slow to complete tasks. Many of my colleagues were so much more productive than me. I am fine with that. I never had the ego or need to be an academic star. The boundaries were clear and there was comfort in that.
There is optimism in resetting boundaries and rebuilding, even if that means doing resetting and rebuilding while alone and frightened. I was fortunate to have another stressful event occur. Our house was flooded a month before Joyce died. That does not sound fortunate. It was a mess. Many of our possessions were destroyed. I had to rebuild half of my house. I needed to learn many new skills. The process was terrifying, but the purpose was clear. There was an opportunity to create something new. In creation and purpose, there is optimism.
One thing I learned about science is that the value of research is not in finding truth, but in searching for it. This phase of professional and personal searching will be without my powerful intellectual and emotional supporter; alone and without clear boundaries. Resetting, rebuilding, and redesigning. The search for purpose is worth setting the profound fear aside, and embracing the excitement of the new. And I am optimistic.
Paul-Choudhury asked if he is a monster by becoming a more optimistic person after the death of his spouse. Perhaps he should have turned all his attention to grief, bereavement, emptiness, darkness, and loss. As I set out on a parallel journey, I can say that Paul-Choudhury is on to something. There is optimism in searching, growing, embracing the new, and creating a new purpose after a profound loss. I think this form of optimism would make Joyce proud.
References
Paul-Choudhury, S. (2025, January 4). ‘I became an optimist the night my wife died’: A science writer on loss and letting go of rationalism. The Guardian
Paul-Choudhury, S. (2025). The Bright Side: Why Optimists Have the Power to Change the World. Canongate.
Steven R. Shaw, Ph.D., is an associate professor of Educational and Counselling Psychology at McGill University in Montreal, QC, Canada.
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There’s been a fundamental shift in how we define adulthood—and at what pace it occurs. PT’s authors consider how a once iron-clad construct is now up for grabs—and what it means for young people’s mental health today.